But let me start from the beginning:
I've been having back pain for more than 2 years. I was in a car accident in March of 2014 which aggravated it and made it almost unbearable. I saw a chiropractor up until I left on my mission and found some relief, but never felt like the problem was completely resolved. I took a leap of faith and went to Nicaragua anyways.
Working in Managua was very painful. I'll leave it at that.
When I got home, I went straight to the chiropractor. He popped everything back into place, then told me that my spine had gotten very rotated in those last 6 months. He warned me that I would be a little sore the next couple days as my body readjusted to having everything back to normal, and suggested maybe I get my blood tested for Rheumatoid Arthritis. I didn't think anything of it and just went to the next doctor, got some x-rays, and was prescribed 6 weeks of physical therapy.
That did nothing.
After miraculously getting back in to school, Missionary Medical recommended a few back specialists here in Utah.
I called them immediately.
Last week, my brother and I drove up to American Fork to see one of these guys. He took more x-rays, asked more questions, and ran more tests. He checked my strength, my flexibility, and my nerves.
Turns out I can't feel my right leg from my shin down.He then asked if any other doctor had mentioned Rheumatoid Arthritis.
I said yes.
He scheduled me for an MRI and some blood tests and told me to come back a week later.
That week was a bit stressful. Rhuematoid Arthritis scared me! My MTC companion had RA. I knew how hard it was for her to inject herself every week. I knew how miserable her body felt. I knew how scared she was of ending up in a wheel chair. I didn't want that! She was strong enough to handle it. Not me.
One of my best friends up here offered a priesthood blessing. I gladly accepted.
All he did was say my name, then stopped and took a deep breath. I knew right then that it was gonna be a tough one to hear.
First, he told me that my Heavenly Father was aware of my situation and that He was so proud of me. I was told that I completed everything I was meant to do on my mission. I changed the lives of many people here on the earth and the eternities of people on the other side of the veil.
I started sobbing. That was the confirmation I had been waiting 2 months to hear.
Then he said, "Hard times are coming."
He told me to keep my friends and family close as I adjust to my new lifestyle.
He told me it is a blessing and a miracle that my older brother lives so close by.
He told me to always remember those times in my life that I have felt the Spirit.
The week passed, I got my MRI, I got my blood tests, and I saw the doctor yesterday.
My blood tests were all normal, which meant that Rheumatoid Arthritis was off the table.
Then we looked at the MRI.
The most apparent problem was that I have a bulging L4-L5 disc. It is closing off the recess in front of my spinal cord where the nerves pass through, which is why I have lost feeling in my leg and have such limited control. He also said it was significantly worse on my right side, which is where the most intense pain is.He scrolled up and down my spine, reviewing every image. The lower down my spine he went, with every disc the recess became more and more narrow.
He diagnosed me with degenerative disc disease.
He said that he refuses to give me back surgery because I am so young, so I'll be getting steroid injections in my spine. I can receive two rounds of injections, and if those don't work, I will be operated on.
I took a deep breath, then started firing off a million questions.
This is what I learned:
I have to get those injections.
After 2 weeks of rest, I have to start some extensive physical therapy.
I also have to start taking muscle relaxants again to calm down the muscles in my back that have been working over time to compensate for my weak discs.
I was fine until I got in the car with my brother and he asked me what the deal was. It was when I said it out loud that the fear set in.
I know this isn't game-over. I'm not dying. This is just something I'm going to have to deal with for a while. It may cause problems for the rest of my life. It may not.
I just hate feeling so weak and limited! I hate being told that I can't do something.
My whole life, I have pushed myself to the limits. I went on a 12-day backpacking trek at Philmont when people told me my knee wasn't strong enough. I graduated with high honors from one of America's most challenging high schools. I was a girls camp director when everyone said I was too young. I became fluent in Spanish in less than 6 months.
When I want something, I make sure I get it.
I'm just glad I finally have the answers I've been praying for. This has been one long, painful experience, and I'm glad I will soon be finding some relief.
I have felt God pushing me (sometimes dragging me) along through everything, and I know He's going to help me through this next little while.
I just have to keep fighting until I get my life back.
I'll do it, too.
