When I came home, I was 100% set on going back to Nicaragua. I had already committed myself to serving 18 months and I loved Nicaragua SO MUCH, that I would do anything and everything to get myself back there.
But then I was reminded that this is not about what I want. It never has been.
So I talked to God and asked for some clear direction. I told Him I understood that this was not about my will, but His. I would just follow His lead.
I have gone to the temple 4 times since being home. I have fasted. I have prayed. I wanted to do everything I could to make sure that what happened next was exactly what Heavenly Father was planning on.
Then I found myself thinking about going back to school.
That definitely was not what I was expecting.
How could BYU be a better option than finishing my mission?
Once again, I was reminded of my finite mind and my inability to comprehend God's plan.
So I trusted Him.
I met with my stake president and mentioned that I had been thinking about returning to school. He immediately perked up and told me he completely supports and actually encourages that decision. He filled out my ecclesiastical endorsement that night, and I registered for classes just a couple of days ago. I then ordered books, applied for a job, and even signed a lease for an apartment up in Provo.
At this point, I have no idea what's going on.
I don't know why I'm not heading back to Nicaragua right away.
I don't know why everything with BYU worked out so easily.
I don't know why I'm not progressing with my physical therapy.
I don't know why I feel so at peace with this next step.
All I know is that I pray A LOT for a clear mind and the ability to receive strong promptings from the Spirit.
When I made the decision to serve a mission, I simultaneously made the decision to be an instrument in God's hands, giving Him my absolute best. Even though this has not been working out as I imagined, I know He is gently guiding me along. I've continued to do my part, and I know He is doing His.
This little journey has nothing to do with me. He's in charge. (And thank goodness He is. I don't want to make these kinds of decisions.)
So for now, I'm off to continue my education.
I am still in a lot of physical pain and I have no idea how long this recovery is going to take. I don't know if I will ever be given a medical clearance to return to the field. But I am not giving up. I have not turned back on the decision I made when I applied for a mission. I was following the Spirit then, and I am following the Spirit now.
Who knows what will happen next.
